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This portion of the site will be all about people in the news who have demonstrated their unwillingness to be anywhere close to normal. In fact, though they be be of sound body and dubious mind, they have gone above and beyond the call of mere stupidity to rise above the level of an ordinary Arizona Driver. We call them:

Morons (other than Troy)!!!

(Added Jan 4 2007)

Outside a Wal-Mart in Geneseo, Ill., a 73-year-old woman buys a newspaper and suddenly finds herself trapped when the door of the news rack slips closed and catches her coat. Unable to wriggle out, she solicits a bystander to enter the Wal-Mart and ask for help. A Wal-Mart employee comes out to explain that she can't assist, citing a policy against tampering with the news rack.

After going back inside for a moment, the Wal-Mart employee comes out and tells the trapped woman that she'll call the newspaper and have a representative come to release her. The woman suggests an alternative solution: Somebody could simply put two quarters in the machine and open the door. The Wal-Mart employee rejects this out of hand, explaining that the store can't pay refunds for the news rack

Eventually the employee relents and puts two quarters in the machine. Later the liberated woman's daughter visits the store and gives the employee a $5 bill to be used strictly to finance future releases. A Wal-Mart corporate spokesperson apologizes for the incident, saying, "This is not how we do business."

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A recent JD Power survey of Initial Quality placed the Hummer H2 on the bottom of the list.

The reason?

After plunking down over $50K, Hummer owners were not happy with the behemoth's gas mileage of 11 mpg.

****

Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

****

TAMPA - The bank robbers had a getaway car, a creative disguise and a fake gun.

What they didn't count on was the big blue recycling truck, the 5-pound rolling pin, the smoking money and the flat tire.

Also overlooked: the fact that it's hard for a bicyclist wearing a bright red motorcycle helmet, a blue rain jacket and gardening gloves to, say, blend in.

The two men failed miserably in their midday attempt to rob the Bank of America at 249 S Hyde Park Ave. Thursday.

Tampa police arrested Paul Aitken, 46, of 11123 N Nebraska Ave., after a sequence of events that might otherwise inspire a bad sitcom writer. Police were still searching for a second man.

Uwe Scherruble, 40, was busy picking up cardboard bales from behind Walgreens and loading them in his giant Land O'Lakes Recycling garbage truck about 3 p.m. The bicyclist who pedaled past him seemed a little out of place with his red motorcycle helmet and blue rain jacket.

"Weird," Scherruble thought.

A cook inside NOLA Cafe just across the way noticed the bicyclist, too. Taylor Walker, 19, looked on from the restaurant. The fellow on the bicycle talked with the driver of a red Chevy Cavalier while donning the odd outfit, tying a black bandana around his head before pulling the helmet over his face.

"He looked like a clown. ... We just assumed it was another crazy guy from this area," Walker said.

Police say the bicyclist, described as 50 to 60 years old with a medium build and a large potbelly, rode across Hyde Park Avenue to the Bank of America. He dropped his bike, entered the bank, brandished a gun, jumped the counter, pushed the teller aside and filled a black bag with cash. Then, he climbed over the counter again, dropped his Glock - which turned out to be a toy gun - ran back to his bicycle and peddled back to the Chevy.

Scherruble, the trash collector, was just about to pick up the last of his six bails of cardboard when he saw the bicyclist come spinning back, and noticed red smoke pouring out of a black laptop bag the man was carrying.

"What's up with that?" Scherruble thought, then flashed back to the time a gunman held up his fiance while she was working as a bank teller. "I put two and two together and I said, 'He robbed something.' " Scherruble didn't hesitate.

He moved his truck to block the Chevy as the bicyclist was shedding his helmet, bike and sunglasses, climbing into the car.

Then, living out a common garbage truck driver fantasy, he said, Scherruble lowered his front dump attachment on top of the passenger's side of the car, crushing its fender and flattening its front right tire. "I finally had that chance," he later said of the car smashing. "I put it to good use."

Inside the cafe, Walker, the cook, saw the commotion. The Chevy Cavalier began backing up and jerking forward to try to escape, and Walker worried the robbers would ram his blue Jeep parked nearby. He grabbed his 2-foot rolling pin, ran out of the restaurant and began pounding the car's hood with his heavy culinary tool, screaming for the man to stay away from his car.

The loot, stained red with the potent dye pack that banks use to help track stolen money, swirled through the air. David Costa, owner of Eagle Cleaners, ran out of his dry cleaning shop and shouted to an employee to call police. The Chevy managed to escape despite the flat tire and the blockade, leaving behind the cash, bike and helmet, police and witnesses said.

As Costa and his customer, Tracey Delk, began gathering the cash for police, the getaway car hobbled north on S Plant Ave., Tampa police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said. The robbers abandoned the vehicle at W Grand Central and S Magnolia avenues. Officers found Aitken a few blocks away. Aitken, who was wearing a Ku Klux Klan T-shirt when arrested, has a long history of arrests including battery, burglary, marijuana possession, fraud, larceny and driving with a suspended license. He was charged with robbery.

Police were still searching for the bicyclist, who they said was wearing a green jumpsuit over faded jeans.

The bank robbery was the first in Tampa this year, McElroy said. "These do not appear to be experienced bank robbers," she said.

When it was all over, the cook went back to work, using his now paint-scarred rolling pin for more scrumptious endeavours.

And the recycling truck driver went home to Port Richey, a hero to frustrated garbage truck drivers everywhere.

****

(Added Dec 2006)

(California) An adult education teacher gave 25 students an impromptu lesson in safety during his safety class. Using opaque reasoning, Teach figured the 40-mm shell he had found on a hunting trip must be inert. He kept the round and used it as a paperweight on his desk. After all, ordnance is such a unique conversation piece. But more notably, this particular ordnance was the teacher's ticking ticket to fame.

One spring morning, a bug crawled across his desk. Should he squash it with a tissue? Sweep it out the door? Leave it to pursue its happy existence, and continue on with his lesson? No; the teacher picked another alternative. He took up the "inert" artillery shell and slammed it onto the short-lived insect.

The impact set off the primer, and the resulting explosion caused him burns and shrapnel lacerations on his hand, forearm, and torso. No one else in the classroom was hurt. To the teacher's further consolation, his actions did succeed in one respect: the bug was eliminated.

****

(2006, Vietnam) A rolling stone isn't the only thing that collects no moss. Three men scavenging for scrap metal found an unexploded 500-pound bomb perched atop a hill, and decided to retrieve it with a little help from Sir Isaac Newton's laws. As they attempted to roll the bomb down the hillside, it detonated, leaving a four-meter crater, and sending all three entrepreneurs to a face-to-face meeting with their maker.

(August 2006, Brazil) August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked--in a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and the repair shop wherein the efforts took place. 14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap metal.

(Nov 2006, BOISE, Idaho) Two employees of the city's ice skating rink have been fired for making a midnight fast-food run in a pair of Zambonis. An anonymous tipster reported seeing the two big ice-resurfacing machines chug through a Burger King drive-through and return to the rink around 12:30 a.m. on Nov. 10. The squat, rubber-tired vehicles, which have a top speed of about 5 mph, drove 1 1/2 miles in all.

The Zamboni operators, both temporary city employees whose names and ages were not released by Parks and Recreation Department, had to negotiate at least one intersection with a traffic light on their late-night creep from Idaho Ice World.

"They were fired immediately," said Parks Department Director Jim Hall. "We're pretty sure it was just the one time. When we interviewed them, they didn't seem to be too concerned about it. I don't think they understood the seriousness of it."

Hall said neither the $75,000 Zambonis nor their $10,000 blades appeared damaged, but the city could charge the employees with operating an unlicensed motor vehicle on a public street.

TRULY IDIOTIC STUFF FOUND TO BE TRUE

Contributed by Colin Payne (My Brother-in-law)

The Idiot Report

Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.

Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.

I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

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Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

They are no longer employed at Boeing.

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Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.

So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.

He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

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Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.

Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.

He immediately mailed in his $40.

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Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.

At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.

They arrested the robber two hours later.

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Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.

The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"

When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

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Idiot Number Seven of 2006

Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.

So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.

The whole event was caught on videotape.

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IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked

"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street, I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing."

Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."

Not another word was spoken.

We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"

His reply, "I know - I already got that side."

This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !

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STAY ALERT!
They walk among us... and they REPRODUCE !!!

Thanks for the contribution Colin!!!!

Teen VS Train

A Wisconsin teen who appeared to have left his thinking cap at home is dead after an ill fated attempt at insulting a speeding locomotive. 18-year-old Andrew Grosenick was with a friend last Friday night, and both were intoxicated.

While walking home, they came across a set of railroad tracks. They both walked over them, but Grosenick saw an oncoming train. Curiously, the teen returned to the tracks, and promptly raised his middle finger in defiance at the oncoming locomotive.

The train didn't appear to notice, and the brazen teen was immediately struck by the locomotive, pulverizing him and killing him instantly. His friend, who witnessed the grotesque event, was not injured.

Misc Morons

"People injured or killed in the Michigan firearms deer season include a Bay City man shot in the leg while trying to photograph his dog holding a rifle, which accidentally went off."