 |
 |
|
Morons (excluding Troy, see his blog for HIS stupidity) The Further Adventures of Sheriff Larry The Bacchanal Music and Food-to-Go Things Troy wishes he had said
|
Welcome to Things Troy Wishes He Had Said
This will be where Troy puts all the things he sees and hears that he wishes he had been smart enough to come up with... I am sure to put something in here to jerk everyone's chain sooner or later... Ribbit... Ribbit A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the
second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks
nothing of it and is about to swing when he hears, "Ribbit ... 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9
Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the
club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom!
The frog replies, "Ribbit, Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and
doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best
game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man
figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the
frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all
this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the
frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God"
Cecily's "Man-Hater" section
Why does a man have a clear conscience? Because it's never used. Why are men so happy? Because ignorance is bliss. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time,who would reach the ground first? The woman, the man would get lost. How are men like commercials? You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds. How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature. What did God say after creating man? I can do better. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind. 2. No business. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist. If men got pregnant .... Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed. What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room. How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable." Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it. What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife? Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!" A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts. Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence. How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him. Why do bachelors like smart women? Opposites attract. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time. What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women. |
|
|---|