Troy's Rants and Ravings

I am in the rather strange habit of sitting here thinking about one thing and then suddenly meandering into some other thing as the currents of my thoughts turn into white water rapids, capsizing my frontal lobe, killing everyone and washing the bodies onto the shore 10 miles downstream where they finally rupture from the sun and advanced decomposition…

See what I mean?

Anyhoo, I was about to start writing a terribly long and boring blog about the politics of this state (AZ) going into the same crapper as CA when I was mentally bumped into another bloated body floating down stream…

I want more garage space.

Ok so I DO actually have a garage and, believe it or not, you CAN walk around inside of it without holding your belly in and doing some kind of weird dance moves to maneuver over to get a screwdriver out of the tool box (Cue up the MC Hammer tune Can’t touch this and change it to Can’t Step There and you will have a pretty good idea)… But, honestly, there is too much “stuff”. Some of it includes: items belonging to She Who Must Be Obeyed, odds and ends from my oldest daughter crammed literally to the rafters, a broken down bike belonging to my step-son ( which incidentally proves Einstein’s 47 1/3 law of matter which states “A broken bicycle will take up 22.7934 times more space in 4 dimentions than a non-broken bicycle” ), my wood working paraphernalia, and the miscellaneous detritus of my life.

Thing is, it is never men who REALLY design and build houses, this is an illusion. Women such as She Who Must Be Obeyed are the REAL home designer/builder/dictators…

So it is with pride, enthusiasm and the desire to free all men from Garage Claustrophobia that I feel the need to unite REAL MEN against the common enemy: FATE (Females Attracted To Earth-tones)

In keeping with my new organization’s charter, my own version of a Real Estate ad listing should be as follows:

FOR SALE

Spacious 196,000 sq ft tri-level garage with attached 4 bedroom, 3 bath house.

All amenities included:

25 Horsepower air compressor w/320 gal tank.

Wired for 880 4 phase electrical.

Loading docks on 3 sides.

4 Escalators ( just because they are cool… )

2 Freight Elevators

4 Fireman poles for easy egress from any level.

2 hot tubs ( 1 personal, 1 party ).

Lube pit.

Alignment Rack.

Short order grill with cook included.

Shooting range, bowling alley, and amusement center in the basement.

Fully stocked bar with included buxom serving wench ( in period serving wench attire, of course!! )

Cinder block bathrooms with stainless steel fixtures, including steam shower, lay-z-boy toilets, library of congress, and 3 urinals with hands free technology (yeah, well, figure that one out!!). 3 inch fire hose connections for easy clean up.

Close to all major strip clubs, Las Vegas, lumber yards, hardware stores and race tracks.

Distant from beauty parlors, strip malls, fitness centers and health food stores.

Private freeway on- and off ramps!!

Seller motivated! Willing to throw in forklift, pettibone and backhoe to right buyer.

will trade for basic bass boat…

Well, I can dream, can’t I?

Troy Ok, So I'm an Idiot...